Make this year the year you make good on your New Year's resolutions.
first:
Don't Kid Yourself
"The most important thing is to be honest with yourself," says Howard Josepher, a former heroin addict and president of Exponents Inc., "You need to know the difference between enjoying yourself and self-medicating. It's not that self-medicating is necessarily bad — but you should give yourself parameters. If you are adhering to them, O.K. If not, you need to check yourself."
"The most important thing is to be honest with yourself," says Howard Josepher, a former heroin addict and president of Exponents Inc., "You need to know the difference between enjoying yourself and self-medicating. It's not that self-medicating is necessarily bad — but you should give yourself parameters. If you are adhering to them, O.K. If not, you need to check yourself."
Don't Try to Scare Yourself Straight
Research shows that in the long term, the pleasure of victory is a better incentive than the agony of defeat. "Punishment is a poor motivator," says Hester. "It sets people up for failure. If all you do is punish yourself for failure, you won't stay motivated to change for very long."
Instead, reward yourself for sticking to your limits and focus on the benefits of changing. For instance, if your goal is to drink less or lose weight, treat yourself to something you want — a new book or DVD, say — each time you successfully resist a tempting dessert or achieve a goal, like a month of abstinence. Success tends to beget greater success. If you do slip back into old patterns, avoid recriminations. "Don't say, 'I can't do it,' " says Marlatt. "People make mistakes. If you keep working at it, you will get better over time. That's what the research shows."
For some people, trying to moderate bad habits is not achievable or takes more effort than abstaining altogether — as the philosopher St. Augustine put it, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." Recognizing this by trying and failing can also be a critical step toward behavior change.
Get Better Friends
Consciously and unconsciously, people tend to imitate those around them. That's why the latest research shows that things like happiness, smoking cessation and obesity can spread like a contagion through social networks. So surround yourself with friends who can also be role models. "Make sure that people you hang out with are people who look and act the way you would like to. Social imitation is the easiest form not only of flattery but of self-improvement," says Stanton Peele, author of Seven Tools to Beat Addiction.
Research shows that in the long term, the pleasure of victory is a better incentive than the agony of defeat. "Punishment is a poor motivator," says Hester. "It sets people up for failure. If all you do is punish yourself for failure, you won't stay motivated to change for very long."
Instead, reward yourself for sticking to your limits and focus on the benefits of changing. For instance, if your goal is to drink less or lose weight, treat yourself to something you want — a new book or DVD, say — each time you successfully resist a tempting dessert or achieve a goal, like a month of abstinence. Success tends to beget greater success. If you do slip back into old patterns, avoid recriminations. "Don't say, 'I can't do it,' " says Marlatt. "People make mistakes. If you keep working at it, you will get better over time. That's what the research shows."
For some people, trying to moderate bad habits is not achievable or takes more effort than abstaining altogether — as the philosopher St. Augustine put it, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." Recognizing this by trying and failing can also be a critical step toward behavior change.
Get Better Friends
Consciously and unconsciously, people tend to imitate those around them. That's why the latest research shows that things like happiness, smoking cessation and obesity can spread like a contagion through social networks. So surround yourself with friends who can also be role models. "Make sure that people you hang out with are people who look and act the way you would like to. Social imitation is the easiest form not only of flattery but of self-improvement," says Stanton Peele, author of Seven Tools to Beat Addiction.
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